My hands are starting to deteriorate.
I’m going through a phase that is drastically endangering my usual way of life. I have a physical ailment in my arms or hands that I’m trying to heal by going through physical therapies. It’s been months, and multiple trips to the doctors, yet it remains. It’s affecting me personally and professionally. It’s hard, even trying to type this now. It’s exhausting, my hands feel different and they tire easily.
I still have a lot more ahead, yet I don’t realize the consequences of growing old until now. Maybe it’s too much video games. Maybe I’m too engaged in my work. In any case, it has lead to this, and I have no way to turn back time. There are now chains in my hands, and they are heavy. Everything I do with it – every word I type, every movement I make, seems now too important. I have to treasure every moment, because I don’t know when the next set of chains will come, and I wouldn’t know if I will have the strength to carry the burden.
I have to keep this short because I have to rest, but I hope, being the Easter season and all, that you would include me in your prayers. Rest assured though that I’ll never give up. I have to get through this. I have done, built, survived so much with these hands. I will get through this.
(But nope, this will not stop me from my April Fools post. Hopefully tomorrow.)
Longing for something to happen, yet realizing that the reality around us would never make that happen, makes me think as if the world has betrayed me. It is a hopeless and helpless feeling, but there is no escape from it. Days pass by and it would seem like nothing. The daily grind would leave me numb, innocent, and ignorant of what’s supposed to matter. This is why I exist, here, in this blog. This is why I am in the internet, where at the very least, there are avenues where I can still cry out and shout about everything that I think sucks about my life. But as time passes by, and time does, relentlessly at that, that space where I can still cry privately is shrinking. At some point, there is a threshold to my tolerance of reality. Sometimes, I just give up and say “enough of all this crap.” When this happens, there will be times when I start believing in things that don’t exist.
If I see you in my dreams, were you really that important?
Or “are” you really important? At least, in another universe.
This was a question that popped in my mind when I started recollecting that dream.
That dream I had of you. You stepped into my conscious and declared your love for me.
With a gift that transcended the history of my past.
You held it in your bosom, and shoved it into me as if it came from your heart.
I met you after college, but this gift was a memory from my high school.
That is the mystery I started to explore.
What if the reality I experience now can transcend to another reality?
And that dream represents that other reality
The other reality that I may have met you in high school
And you confessed to me after college.
As I wake up from that dream, I instantly felt happy.
Though sad as it was only a dream.
The reality is much much different.
This reality we’re in, where you friendzoned me 4 years ago.
I have not seen you since. I only see you in social media.
But you were as wonderful as before.
And you were as wonderful as in my dream.
Therefore you are as wonderful in that parallel world.
I wish we could transcend time and space.
So that I can travel to that alternate universe.
Or even if it’s impossible, let me live through this life with proof… that alternate universes do exist.
With all the possibilities of experience, consciousness and existence.
That an alternate “me” can exist, with an alternate “you”.
So that at the very least, even with this miniscule and weak existence of mine in this world.
I can take pride in saying that I had you in a dream.
I had you in that universe.
And we were there.
I want somebody to share, share the rest of my life
Share my innermost thoughts, know my intimate details
Someone who’ll stand by my side and give me support
And in return she’ll get my support
She will listen to me when I want to speak
About the world we live in and life in general
Though my views may be wrong, they may even be perverted
She’ll hear me out, and won’t easily be converted
To my way of thinking in fact she’ll often disagree
But at the end of it all she will understand me
I want somebody who cares for me passionately
With every thought and with every breath
Someone who’ll help me see things in a different light
All the things I detest I will almost like
I don’t want to be tied to anyone’s strings
I’m carefully trying to steer clear of those things
But when I’m asleep I want somebody
Who will put their arms around me, kiss me tenderly
Though things like this make me sick
In a case like this I’ll get away with it