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1. Kresnik May 19th, 2008
   16:28 CDT

   Society is over-rated. They tend to rate people based on what's thrown to their face. Sometimes I'm also quite angered inside by some opinions saying that I'm like this or not like that even though they don't know who I really am. Let's just hope that we'll find someone who understand who we really are.
2. dKiWi May 19th, 2008
   20:12 CDT

   The bloody 3d world is fake. It doesn't matter what you are inside, it only matters what you "act like". Its the godamnawful truth, and the sooner u accept it the better.

   An anti-social is a person who has discovered that the world is fake but is unable to accept it, YET. I would say that an anti-social is actually better than those stupid extroverts who think that their reality is so great. It isn't. Wake the fuck up man.

   Its gonna be difficult to accept my statement since of course, you don't know me. But the fact is that no one in the real world is going to make such a statement. Not even me! Coz I know how the "real world" is like, and the truth is that it isn't that real.

   Like for example, I can tell my boss or colleagues that I mean one thing, when I actually mean another. And they can never ever find out if you play your cards right. Of course, you can't let stupid things like morals or guilt make you feel bad, because it is equally difficult to determine whether your boss or colleague is telling the truth as well. Morals are like chains to keep you bounded to the crap that society throws at you. They are dangerous, and should be evaded where possible.

   Which is why I define true freedom as "the inability to experience guilt". Many would say that there is no such thing as freedom, but the closest to freedom you can ever experience is to unable to experience guilt. Train yourself to be a souless bitch, and you will feel like you're flying. Really. I learnt this in the military. You just keep screwing your subordinates and they can't fight back. You can also do the same in the civilian life though at the work place.

   And of course, never show your demonic, souless sides to the friends u've made since the school days. That's essentially what all the directors and chairmen are doing in the world man. They backstab each other but their friends don't know how they are really like. Fake people are happier in this fake world. You need to understand that.

   Read this to understand my position better:

   http://2disbetterthan3d.wordpress.com/2008/04/07/reality-really-not-really/
3. bluemist May 19th, 2008
   21:26 CDT

   @Kresnik: Society preys on the non-conformists, and they refuse to understand because their morals/wallet/self-preservation depends on them not understanding it. And each person is made up of so many layers of personality it's really hard to find someone who 'truly' shares the same views as you.

   @dKiWi: The prospect of being Light/Kira is so enticing, and yes even I am applying it in the workplace sometimes, acting like lil goody-two-shoes when in fact I'm doing something terribly disrespectful to them (like pretending to do work when I'm actually aniblogging lol). It's very hard to 'stay fake' in my case though, sometimes I tend to feel genuine feelings especially when I help someone in their work. My inability to feel is kinda close to your inability to experience guilt, but I believe in karma so whenever I intend to backstab someone, I feel certain fear of being backstabbed myself, so I don't do that often. I still have blind faith in humanity I think.
4. hayase May 19th, 2008
   22:55 CDT

   Fellow introvert here. ^_^;

   >>is introversion really a bad thing? It really depends on the perception right?

   I don't think it's a bad thing, but I do believe it's good to have contact with other people.

   >>So let me ask, is this just envy? That other people can socialize better than me?

   I was also wondering that, why can't I socialize effortlessly like my other, more outgoing friends/office mates? There are times when I felt like that and it's tinted with a little envy. I think that's okay. Don't think you're the only one feeling that way. Just don't do anything stupid based on that envy, I guess.

   >>So I need to be content with what I have. And I need to utilize whatever I have to the best of my ability.

   Although I do dislike the hypocrisy and other stuff that goes with socializing, I believe we should be able to communicate ourselves to others. And that takes practice. It doesn't have to be with a lot of people too. I think that to be able to do this, self-improvement is essential. Improving oneself is never a bad thing. That's what I've been trying to do, and for someone whose personality is not too optimistic, it's difficult. But at least I've tried. (Or I think at least I did.)
5. miji May 19th, 2008
   23:41 CDT

   Perhaps this was rhetorical, but no, being an introvert is not a bad thing. I see it more as knowing yourself, your limits and quirks. And I think it's good that you've got an outlet (this blog and entry) to verbalize/solidify the thoughts that so often tortures those of us who are introverted…so that this burdensome frustration can be unloaded. This, to me, is more towards freedom than living without guilt.

   I think it is envy, though if you don't feel that much resentment, it could be called desire. Sounds like what you're trying to figure out is how to achieve your ideal self in this entry, and you've done some of that figuring. You know your limits. You wrote that you take time outs for yourself, which is good. You might think about having one of your friends be your "mirror", to tell you when you're worrying too much. And you seem to be able to talk to people, when you have the right topic, which is normal.

   Two things that I can think of that might help would be:

   1) Don't take it personally. I think this is another way of looking at the guilt-free mentality previously mentioned, but in a milder way. What do your parents think of you not talking at the dinner table? Probably NOTHING!! They're your parents, and they probably know you well enough to understand that you just don't talk at dinner time. The girl commenting on your quietness, she probably feels uncomfortable with her own silence. I've done that several times to my friends, until they get used to that part of me…or we become better friends and the conversations become less about purses and superficiality, and more about what's up in our lives.

   2) Get yourself into the habit of interaction. Gotta put in the efforts! In my line of work, I am expected to be an extrovert. You can imagine what my daily struggles are. But I learned that people who can hold a conversation are essentially good at story telling. The more stories you tell, the better you are at it. Or, in your words, the better the "actor" you become. But it isn't necessarily fake. It's the ability to tell your story and experiences to others…even if you happen to not speak a word during the entire conversation.
6. Ryan A May 20th, 2008
   0:59 CDT

   streaking cures all!

   Seriously though, it's okay to be shy. Be who you want to be, be inspired to be, or just be, but don't be afraid to be. ^^
7. Zeroblade May 20th, 2008
   2:04 CDT

   I kinda feel that way too. Though I am more "sociable" in a sense that I can engage in, for the lack of a better word, biruan with co-workers and classmates, yet in the end, I feel best when I keep to myself. Still, I try to put myself through enough experiences with interacting with other people to help boost my self-esteem and get me more outgoing. Still, sometimes, it's best to be alone for a while.
8. Martin May 20th, 2008
   2:17 CDT

   I think it's no coincidence that you'll find a lot of fellow introverts on the internet (an issue that could fill an entire blog post on its own, I think). Personally I experience similar problems - in a small group of like-minded friends, talking about things I consider interesting and worthwhile, I'm fine. In bigger groups I clam up because I find the sheer number of people daunting, and their topics of conversation seem shallow and innane - I have a reputation for being 'shy' and 'quiet' for that reason.

   More often than not, I do things like the classic 'talking about the weather' out of politeness but so many times think "why talk about this when you could be having an interesting conversation?"

   Maybe small talk is what greases the axles of society, but if so that's a society that doesn't appeal to me much.
9. bluemist May 20th, 2008
   9:50 CDT

   @hayase - You're right too, I guess a little self-improvement doesn't hurt along the way, instead of staying stagnant and just being content with what I have now. For the fact that one is using his best traits though, that alone is already self-improvement.

   @miji - Since I canned my own personal blog I was longing for another outlet for issues that are more 'personal' than anime. Dunno if I'll revive the personal blog again though. Props on the "desire" comment, that took the negativity away.

   @Ryan A - Something more awesome than streaking!

   @Zeroblade - I reached a point where my hobbies don't get in the way of me socializing anymore. I can happily stop watching or playing in favor of going outside and put me through social experiences. You can call it burnout though.

   @Martin - I noticed that the Japanese have a very convenient phrase for small talk, it's "sou desu ne~". They insert the phrase one too many times in conversations to give positive reinforcement about the topic. Makes one feel good to agree with another person… (sou desu ne?) right?
10. kody May 20th, 2008
    10:15 CDT

    i understand how you feel im the exact way although i might be a little more extreme than you anyways this isnt a problem u can solve overnight give it sometime and things should work out
11. suguru May 20th, 2008
    11:15 CDT

    I remember reading years ago that the biggest difference between introverts and extroverts was that extroverts are "charged up" by being around and socializing with large groups of people, while introverts are tired out by the same situation. I'm definitely in the latter group, but I don't think being an introvert is a bad thing. Extroverts are the "life of the party" types, and I think it's hard not for introverts to be jealous of the ease at which they meet new people–but looking at it another way you could also say extroverts generally make a lot of shallow, superficial friendships with quantity over quality, and being an introvert your friends may be fewer in number but they're likely more "true" friends.

    I think there's nothing better than reaching a point on your life where you accept who you are–I think that then gives you more confidence, which makes shyness fade away and in some ways makes you more outgoing…but I also know there's no magic formula for liking/being confident in yourself.
12. Spectorian May 21st, 2008
    1:26 CDT

    Wow, I read this post and wondered if I was reading a past journal entry of my own! You're not the only one who is introverted and annoyed by it. But at least you express yourself via a blog while I just type into my private digital journal.

    >> Part of the reason why I'm quiet is because I don't like where 'their' conversations go. It sounds like random trash talk to me.
    Often I'll be silent in group conversations because I feel there is superficiality to what people are saying. Perhaps extroverts prefer small talk to build relations while introverts enjoy deeper, more meaningful conversation from the get-go. I definitely prefer chats with purpose/passion behind them.

    >> told by a second-tier friend … that "you're so quiet."
    Same situation here: I was told at a bar party that I have "nervous energy" about me because I sat there and watched instead of talking/dancing. She saw right through me and it made me even more nervous.

    >> I keep telling myself that the "ideal me" is an intelligent, outgoing, sociable person who loves to talk, has considerable self-confidence and is ready to achieve anything in life.
    >> So I am a victim of society's expectations of me.
    Rather, maybe you are a victim of your expectations of yourself. Having a few really outgoing friends, I've been in social situations where again, I was the silent one in a group. This made me really uncomfortable and I couldn't wait to go back to my usual lonely way of being (or at most having 2-3 close friends in my presence). But at the same time everyone was having so much fun and I knew with just a little more social bravery, I might be able to entertain and be entertained too. But it didn't happen and this kind of situation eats away at me when I later think about it. Think about it though.. you should be trying to find your own social style, not to copy the 'expert' extroverts.

    >> So let me ask, is this just envy? That other people can socialize better than me? That some people have girlfriends earlier than me?
    Yes. Seeing other people effortlessly work their social magic makes me realize my own shortcomings.. Seeing what they easily achieve but knowing it's much tougher for an introvert.. yeah…

    But is being an introvert bad? Not necessarily. I'm sure you're more philosophical and analytical about life, constantly seeing deeper meaning in everything. Sure it can be a double-edged sword but I believe greater awareness is always a good thing. As Martin said there are plenty of fellow introverts on the net. Anyway, maybe you'll meet an introverted girl one day. If I may add a tip, never let your breathing become shallow in social situations - it only makes anxiety worse.
13. haderach May 21st, 2008
    3:28 CDT

    I'm sure everyone who reads this blog can relate to what you're saying… but my brain don't have the ability to add anything so this is all I'm saying.
14. soulassassin547 May 21st, 2008
    16:30 CDT

    Same here, but we shouldn't take this problem hard because there's a truckload of possibilities.

    I do admit I walk home alone (perfectly normal for me) and have issues when I socialize… not sure what the heck I wanted to talk about with because they talk about anything that's beyond my sphere of interest (i.e. cellphones, computer games other than the ones I play, girls I don't know, anime I don't catch on the tube, music I hardly like, etc.), but when they talk about something I really like or some urgent current issue of the nation, then I can warm up and join the debate; doesn't matter whether I'm talking to 20-30somethings or 50somethings, as long as the talk is very interesting.

    Just don't add alcohol to the equation or things could become very unpredictable. xD
15. DaFool May 22nd, 2008
    13:17 CDT

    It's hard to be an introvert especially in an extrovert country like the Philippines or the U.S.

    I can also attest that more than 3-4 people around you tends to drain your energy instead of contributing it. So you feel exhausted and need to charge up on: ideas.

    I used to try to overcome introversion by going to more parties, forcing myself to walk up to befriend more people. But then I realized that I drained my energy at twice the rate, and that the people don't reciprocate as much as I wanted them to. So I was at my most social a couple of years ago.

    Now I realized I don't really want to change my personality to fit in, so I stepped back. It's incredibly lonely, and I've lost a lot of friends. Friendships take a lot of maintenance, just like your house or car. Especially for an introvert they require intensive investment to nurture. So you have to think about whether each relationship is worth it.

    Now I have more free time for myself, I'm reading more novels now, watching more cinema (that won't do well as "popcorn-flicks") as well as have an outlet in doujinshi.

    I realized that CHARACTERS IN LITERATURE ARE WAY COOLER THAN PEOPLE IN REAL LIFE. Not because they're idealized (they have flaws written into them). But somehow they seem more authentic. I think that's because introverts wrote them. That's why I encourage participation in literature — whether reading books, watching cinematic stuff (NOT TV), or creating your own stories. The conversations and situations in them are concise and "filler" is edited out of them — precisely how every introvert wants his real life conversations to be.
16. Koji Oe May 24th, 2008
    10:44 CDT

    BAWWWWWWWW
17. Koji Oe May 24th, 2008
    11:01 CDT

    After I have read the entry I will now give a few of my thoughts.

    First, we must be twins or something since we do and think the same way. Second, you need to learn to accept yourself. Lastly, just because you're one way doesn't mean you need to be another way. Are you still in high school? I like came to terms with that shit during high school.

    I've learned to accept how I am and I've promised myself to never give up on myself because of the way I am. Since it just seems to me that a lot of nerdy/ hobby enthusiast people are fat and useless.

    I refuse to become this way. I've decided to let my outward appearance do the speaking for me by reading, exercising and dress.
18. Kurogane May 28th, 2008
    23:58 CDT

    I am an introvert too, and I realized that quite a while back myself. I even read a few good articles extolling the virtues of being an introvert, but most importantly, they all advocate one thing, being an introvert is not a bad thing.

    Once I accepted the fact, I became much more comfortable with myself and accepted that being quiet in a crowd fits me way more than pushing myself to be part of the noise. Funnily though, by accepting the fact that I am not one for crowds, I actually managed to be more better at blending in than sticking out like a sore thumb.

    So, it's not really that bad to be an introvert. Most of the smart people in the world are generally one. The most important thing is to be able to accept it yourself, and not hate yourself for being one, as it would only lead to pain if you continue to reject what you are. I've been through that phase, and trust me, the mood swings are horrible.

    If you'd like a chat about it too, I'm available at the channel as well :). The Internet is wonderful, wonderful thing for introverts *wink*.
19. elle August 7th, 2008
    5:45 CDT

    The bloody 3d world is fake. It doesn't matter what you are inside, it only matters what you "act like". Its the godamnawful truth, and the sooner u accept it the better.

    Yes, this is so true. Because no one can read your mind and no one has walked a mile in your shoes, all they know is the exterior. That's all they can go on. So, in short, think of life as one big SIMS game, that's all it is. I know it's difficult for introverts to do. I struggle with this daily. We have too much integrity for our own good. We don't want to play the game. But a game it is. Dealing with extros is actually easy from this perspective. You can throw out any old BS clap trap as conversation and they're fine with it. You'll be liked and accepted as long as you talk. About anything.

    I'm sure you know extros who are complete flipping idiots, no exagerration. But somehow everyone loves them and they're popular and invited to everything. You sit back and wonder amazed, WTF? How does this oaf get invited into "polite" company? They feed the extroverts. That's how. That's what you learn to do and they don't ride you as much for being quiet and sullen. Just be glad you can go home and shut the world out.

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