Introversion

By bluemist on May 19th, 2008

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I used to write a personal blog. Actually, my ronery post is derived from that blog, and I just edited it accordingly. Lately I’ve been reading my own posts on that personal blog of mine, realizing how much I’ve changed… or should I say, how much I’ve not changed. These few months I’ve been discovering the quirks of my own personality, and I’ve come up on this term called introversion. It honestly fits me to a T, and as a result, it somehow filled me with even more roneriness than merely not having a romantic partner.

So to summarize: I hate myself, being an introvert.

I hate that I prefer to be alone than be with people. I hate that I can’t sustain random and sometimes worthless (to me at least) conversations. I hate that I need to think before I talk. I hate that the more people there are, the less I talk. I hate that I am being perceived as a shy type. I hate that people are getting a completely wrong impression on me just because they can’t see the emotions out of my face. And I hate that society highly favors extraversion.

I always get frustrated with myself whenever I’m with friends. Only rarely would I find myself in conversation, and that’s because I’m scrambling to find words as other people just go on babbling. The odd part is that I am kinda okay when there are only few people around, maybe 3-4, and that’s where I am able to converse the way I like it. When more people come though, I drown myself in silence. When new people not familiar to me come, I’m even worse. Part of the reason why I’m quiet is because I don’t like where ‘their’ conversations go. It sounds like random trash talk to me. Like telling how the traffic’s so bad or the weather is so fine. Like talking about their new bag or new makeup. The conversations sound so miscellaneous to me. Maybe it’s my nature that I tend to talk on highly-opinionated topics, although in this case those topics won’t come out often in mere friendly hangouts. So I was at a dinner party with some friends. Imagine my shock when I was told by a second-tier friend (the girlfriend of a friend who I don’t see often) that “you’re so quiet.” How do you answer that? Surely I can’t answer otherwise. And even if I answer “Yea I get that often”, what good does it even entail?

Of course the girl doesn’t have any bad intent in saying that. It can mean “You’re so quiet, is there anything wrong?”, in which there is a genuine thought of concern for me. On the other hand, I can’t help but feel that the person somehow may think of me as “insociable” or “someone who I won’t invite in my own party because he’ll do nothing anyway”. I am quite grateful that I have some people that I can consider “friends” although I still have doubts of what I am to them, especially since they don’t text me that often. Actually, I hate text messaging in cellphones, and instead I voice call often instead of texting as my defense mechanism in the hopes of keeping myself still sociable.

I think that this is a bit different from isolating oneself from the outside world because of their hobbies (otakuism and similar stuff). Introversion is a state of being in which you prefer the isolation. Sometimes I need to stay away from the crowd to recharge myself. In the workplace, I tend to keep myself busy on my own turf, hoping that nobody bothers me. You know, this is perfectly fine, there is nothing wrong at all right? The thing is though, I put myself in a certain standard that I can’t reach right now. I keep telling myself that the “ideal me” is an intelligent, outgoing, sociable person who loves to talk, has considerable self-confidence and is ready to achieve anything in life. I have become a perfectionist in this quite imperfect world. This way of thinking is caused by a lot of external factors, mostly self-perceived. Like what do my parents think of me sometimes not saying anything on the dinner table? What do my friends think of me when I excuse myself to refresh my mind a bit? A lot of these thoughts lead to self-despair. Because I ‘think’ I don’t function well, I worry about the future. That then leads to blaming myself for my self-blamed ‘incompleteness in personality’. Yea, you don’t have a girlfriend because you’re so freaking stupid. Yea, you won’t have a family because you can’t sustain relationships and responsibilities. All these self-inflicted wounds keep hurting me throughout the process.

So I am a victim of society’s expectations of me. Despite this though, I can’t push myself to find a solution, because the same ‘society’ conveniently gives temporary remedies. Yes, drowning myself in entertainment such as anime and games keep me busy. At the end of the day though, I come back to the real world, worrying and hurting myself again. Also, I am emotionless, as I stated myself in my old personal blog:

“And yet, with all the hopelessness, I still am the same poor actor. I can’t cry. I can’t be sad. I am emotionless. I worry but it doesn’t even show on my face. I don’t know if that is a good thing or bad thing, but that’s the way it is. It seems like that preemptive reaction to hopelessness, that I tend to befriend the will of the wind, the dictate of the waves, and just flow around helplessly. It’s a gray-area loophole, and I’m thankful enough that God gave me… or should I say… didn’t give me the sense of ‘feeling’. This is a different spin on the saying “Ignorance is bliss.” I don’t ignore my problems. I just can’t be sad about it. Sometimes though, I envy people who do. Because of sadness, they ‘feel’ enough to move themselves and somehow find the light at the end of the tunnel. Me? I’m just this living doll who accepts life’s data and merely keeps things “noted”, however good or bad it is. In effect, feedback and control is painfully slow, and oftentimes, too late.”

But I ask again, is introversion really a bad thing? It really depends on the perception right? Somehow I’m worrying about a personality quirk that isn’t supposed to be a worrysome trait. It’s not like I completely don’t function well in society. So let me ask, is this just envy? That other people can socialize better than me? That some people have girlfriends earlier than me? That other people can manage their otakuism better than me? If yes, then maybe I don’t hate my introverted self. Maybe I’m supposed to hate the envy within me. And for that, the answer is a bit simpler than shifting personality traits.

So I need to be content with what I have. And I need to utilize whatever I have to the best of my ability.

It all boils down to what happened next at that dinner party. When the girl asked me about the latest Iron Man movie, I talked a healthy lot. Eventually the movie became center-topic, and I suddenly became engaged in a lot of conversations. Sometimes it really helps to be a bit of a geek.

26 Comments

Posted By: Kresnik On: May 19, 2008 At: 4:28 pm

Society is over-rated. They tend to rate people based on what’s thrown to their face. Sometimes I’m also quite angered inside by some opinions saying that I’m like this or not like that even though they don’t know who I really am. Let’s just hope that we’ll find someone who understand who we really are.

Posted By: dKiWi On: May 19, 2008 At: 8:12 pm

The bloody 3d world is fake. It doesn’t matter what you are inside, it only matters what you “act like”. Its the godamnawful truth, and the sooner u accept it the better.

An anti-social is a person who has discovered that the world is fake but is unable to accept it, YET. I would say that an anti-social is actually better than those stupid extroverts who think that their reality is so great. It isn’t. Wake the fuck up man.

Its gonna be difficult to accept my statement since of course, you don’t know me. But the fact is that no one in the real world is going to make such a statement. Not even me! Coz I know how the “real world” is like, and the truth is that it isn’t that real.

Like for example, I can tell my boss or colleagues that I mean one thing, when I actually mean another. And they can never ever find out if you play your cards right. Of course, you can’t let stupid things like morals or guilt make you feel bad, because it is equally difficult to determine whether your boss or colleague is telling the truth as well. Morals are like chains to keep you bounded to the crap that society throws at you. They are dangerous, and should be evaded where possible.

Which is why I define true freedom as “the inability to experience guilt”. Many would say that there is no such thing as freedom, but the closest to freedom you can ever experience is to unable to experience guilt. Train yourself to be a souless bitch, and you will feel like you’re flying. Really. I learnt this in the military. You just keep screwing your subordinates and they can’t fight back. You can also do the same in the civilian life though at the work place.

And of course, never show your demonic, souless sides to the friends u’ve made since the school days. That’s essentially what all the directors and chairmen are doing in the world man. They backstab each other but their friends don’t know how they are really like. Fake people are happier in this fake world. You need to understand that.

Read this to understand my position better:

http://2disbetterthan3d.wordpress.com/2008/04/07/reality-really-not-really/

Posted By: bluemist On: May 19, 2008 At: 9:26 pm

@Kresnik: Society preys on the non-conformists, and they refuse to understand because their morals/wallet/self-preservation depends on them not understanding it. And each person is made up of so many layers of personality it’s really hard to find someone who ‘truly’ shares the same views as you.

@dKiWi: The prospect of being Light/Kira is so enticing, and yes even I am applying it in the workplace sometimes, acting like lil goody-two-shoes when in fact I’m doing something terribly disrespectful to them (like pretending to do work when I’m actually aniblogging lol). It’s very hard to ‘stay fake’ in my case though, sometimes I tend to feel genuine feelings especially when I help someone in their work. My inability to feel is kinda close to your inability to experience guilt, but I believe in karma so whenever I intend to backstab someone, I feel certain fear of being backstabbed myself, so I don’t do that often. I still have blind faith in humanity I think.

Posted By: hayase On: May 19, 2008 At: 10:55 pm

Fellow introvert here. ^_^;

>>is introversion really a bad thing? It really depends on the perception right?

I don’t think it’s a bad thing, but I do believe it’s good to have contact with other people.

>>So let me ask, is this just envy? That other people can socialize better than me?

I was also wondering that, why can’t I socialize effortlessly like my other, more outgoing friends/office mates? There are times when I felt like that and it’s tinted with a little envy. I think that’s okay. Don’t think you’re the only one feeling that way. Just don’t do anything stupid based on that envy, I guess.

>>So I need to be content with what I have. And I need to utilize whatever I have to the best of my ability.

Although I do dislike the hypocrisy and other stuff that goes with socializing, I believe we should be able to communicate ourselves to others. And that takes practice. It doesn’t have to be with a lot of people too. I think that to be able to do this, self-improvement is essential. Improving oneself is never a bad thing. That’s what I’ve been trying to do, and for someone whose personality is not too optimistic, it’s difficult. But at least I’ve tried. (Or I think at least I did.)

Posted By: miji On: May 19, 2008 At: 11:41 pm

Perhaps this was rhetorical, but no, being an introvert is not a bad thing. I see it more as knowing yourself, your limits and quirks. And I think it’s good that you’ve got an outlet (this blog and entry) to verbalize/solidify the thoughts that so often tortures those of us who are introverted…so that this burdensome frustration can be unloaded. This, to me, is more towards freedom than living without guilt.

I think it is envy, though if you don’t feel that much resentment, it could be called desire. Sounds like what you’re trying to figure out is how to achieve your ideal self in this entry, and you’ve done some of that figuring. You know your limits. You wrote that you take time outs for yourself, which is good. You might think about having one of your friends be your “mirror”, to tell you when you’re worrying too much. And you seem to be able to talk to people, when you have the right topic, which is normal.

Two things that I can think of that might help would be:

1) Don’t take it personally. I think this is another way of looking at the guilt-free mentality previously mentioned, but in a milder way. What do your parents think of you not talking at the dinner table? Probably NOTHING!! They’re your parents, and they probably know you well enough to understand that you just don’t talk at dinner time. The girl commenting on your quietness, she probably feels uncomfortable with her own silence. I’ve done that several times to my friends, until they get used to that part of me…or we become better friends and the conversations become less about purses and superficiality, and more about what’s up in our lives.

2) Get yourself into the habit of interaction. Gotta put in the efforts! In my line of work, I am expected to be an extrovert. You can imagine what my daily struggles are. But I learned that people who can hold a conversation are essentially good at story telling. The more stories you tell, the better you are at it. Or, in your words, the better the “actor” you become. But it isn’t necessarily fake. It’s the ability to tell your story and experiences to others…even if you happen to not speak a word during the entire conversation.

Posted By: Ryan A On: May 20, 2008 At: 12:59 am

streaking cures all!

Seriously though, it’s okay to be shy. Be who you want to be, be inspired to be, or just be, but don’t be afraid to be. ^^

Posted By: Zeroblade On: May 20, 2008 At: 2:04 am

I kinda feel that way too. Though I am more “sociable” in a sense that I can engage in, for the lack of a better word, biruan with co-workers and classmates, yet in the end, I feel best when I keep to myself. Still, I try to put myself through enough experiences with interacting with other people to help boost my self-esteem and get me more outgoing. Still, sometimes, it’s best to be alone for a while.

Posted By: Martin On: May 20, 2008 At: 2:17 am

I think it’s no coincidence that you’ll find a lot of fellow introverts on the internet (an issue that could fill an entire blog post on its own, I think). Personally I experience similar problems – in a small group of like-minded friends, talking about things I consider interesting and worthwhile, I’m fine. In bigger groups I clam up because I find the sheer number of people daunting, and their topics of conversation seem shallow and innane – I have a reputation for being ‘shy’ and ‘quiet’ for that reason.

More often than not, I do things like the classic ‘talking about the weather’ out of politeness but so many times think “why talk about this when you could be having an interesting conversation?”

Maybe small talk is what greases the axles of society, but if so that’s a society that doesn’t appeal to me much.

Posted By: bluemist On: May 20, 2008 At: 9:50 am

@hayase – You’re right too, I guess a little self-improvement doesn’t hurt along the way, instead of staying stagnant and just being content with what I have now. For the fact that one is using his best traits though, that alone is already self-improvement.

@miji – Since I canned my own personal blog I was longing for another outlet for issues that are more ‘personal’ than anime. Dunno if I’ll revive the personal blog again though. Props on the “desire” comment, that took the negativity away.

@Ryan A – Something more awesome than streaking!

@Zeroblade – I reached a point where my hobbies don’t get in the way of me socializing anymore. I can happily stop watching or playing in favor of going outside and put me through social experiences. You can call it burnout though.

@Martin – I noticed that the Japanese have a very convenient phrase for small talk, it’s “sou desu ne~”. They insert the phrase one too many times in conversations to give positive reinforcement about the topic. Makes one feel good to agree with another person… (sou desu ne?) right?

Posted By: kody On: May 20, 2008 At: 10:15 am

i understand how you feel im the exact way although i might be a little more extreme than you anyways this isnt a problem u can solve overnight give it sometime and things should work out

Posted By: suguru On: May 20, 2008 At: 11:15 am

I remember reading years ago that the biggest difference between introverts and extroverts was that extroverts are “charged up” by being around and socializing with large groups of people, while introverts are tired out by the same situation. I’m definitely in the latter group, but I don’t think being an introvert is a bad thing. Extroverts are the “life of the party” types, and I think it’s hard not for introverts to be jealous of the ease at which they meet new people–but looking at it another way you could also say extroverts generally make a lot of shallow, superficial friendships with quantity over quality, and being an introvert your friends may be fewer in number but they’re likely more “true” friends.

I think there’s nothing better than reaching a point on your life where you accept who you are–I think that then gives you more confidence, which makes shyness fade away and in some ways makes you more outgoing…but I also know there’s no magic formula for liking/being confident in yourself.

Posted By: Spectorian On: May 21, 2008 At: 1:26 am

Wow, I read this post and wondered if I was reading a past journal entry of my own! You’re not the only one who is introverted and annoyed by it. But at least you express yourself via a blog while I just type into my private digital journal.

>> Part of the reason why I’m quiet is because I don’t like where ‘their’ conversations go. It sounds like random trash talk to me.
Often I’ll be silent in group conversations because I feel there is superficiality to what people are saying. Perhaps extroverts prefer small talk to build relations while introverts enjoy deeper, more meaningful conversation from the get-go. I definitely prefer chats with purpose/passion behind them.

>> told by a second-tier friend … that “you’re so quiet.”
Same situation here: I was told at a bar party that I have “nervous energy” about me because I sat there and watched instead of talking/dancing. She saw right through me and it made me even more nervous.

>> I keep telling myself that the “ideal me” is an intelligent, outgoing, sociable person who loves to talk, has considerable self-confidence and is ready to achieve anything in life.
>> So I am a victim of society’s expectations of me.
Rather, maybe you are a victim of your expectations of yourself. Having a few really outgoing friends, I’ve been in social situations where again, I was the silent one in a group. This made me really uncomfortable and I couldn’t wait to go back to my usual lonely way of being (or at most having 2-3 close friends in my presence). But at the same time everyone was having so much fun and I knew with just a little more social bravery, I might be able to entertain and be entertained too. But it didn’t happen and this kind of situation eats away at me when I later think about it. Think about it though.. you should be trying to find your own social style, not to copy the ‘expert’ extroverts.

>> So let me ask, is this just envy? That other people can socialize better than me? That some people have girlfriends earlier than me?
Yes. Seeing other people effortlessly work their social magic makes me realize my own shortcomings.. Seeing what they easily achieve but knowing it’s much tougher for an introvert.. yeah…

But is being an introvert bad? Not necessarily. I’m sure you’re more philosophical and analytical about life, constantly seeing deeper meaning in everything. Sure it can be a double-edged sword but I believe greater awareness is always a good thing. As Martin said there are plenty of fellow introverts on the net. Anyway, maybe you’ll meet an introverted girl one day. If I may add a tip, never let your breathing become shallow in social situations – it only makes anxiety worse.

Posted By: haderach On: May 21, 2008 At: 3:28 am

I’m sure everyone who reads this blog can relate to what you’re saying… but my brain don’t have the ability to add anything so this is all I’m saying.

Posted By: soulassassin547 On: May 21, 2008 At: 4:30 pm

Same here, but we shouldn’t take this problem hard because there’s a truckload of possibilities.

I do admit I walk home alone (perfectly normal for me) and have issues when I socialize… not sure what the heck I wanted to talk about with because they talk about anything that’s beyond my sphere of interest (i.e. cellphones, computer games other than the ones I play, girls I don’t know, anime I don’t catch on the tube, music I hardly like, etc.), but when they talk about something I really like or some urgent current issue of the nation, then I can warm up and join the debate; doesn’t matter whether I’m talking to 20-30somethings or 50somethings, as long as the talk is very interesting.

Just don’t add alcohol to the equation or things could become very unpredictable. xD

Posted By: DaFool On: May 22, 2008 At: 1:17 pm

It’s hard to be an introvert especially in an extrovert country like the Philippines or the U.S.

I can also attest that more than 3-4 people around you tends to drain your energy instead of contributing it. So you feel exhausted and need to charge up on: ideas.

I used to try to overcome introversion by going to more parties, forcing myself to walk up to befriend more people. But then I realized that I drained my energy at twice the rate, and that the people don’t reciprocate as much as I wanted them to. So I was at my most social a couple of years ago.

Now I realized I don’t really want to change my personality to fit in, so I stepped back. It’s incredibly lonely, and I’ve lost a lot of friends. Friendships take a lot of maintenance, just like your house or car. Especially for an introvert they require intensive investment to nurture. So you have to think about whether each relationship is worth it.

Now I have more free time for myself, I’m reading more novels now, watching more cinema (that won’t do well as “popcorn-flicks”) as well as have an outlet in doujinshi.

I realized that CHARACTERS IN LITERATURE ARE WAY COOLER THAN PEOPLE IN REAL LIFE. Not because they’re idealized (they have flaws written into them). But somehow they seem more authentic. I think that’s because introverts wrote them. That’s why I encourage participation in literature — whether reading books, watching cinematic stuff (NOT TV), or creating your own stories. The conversations and situations in them are concise and “filler” is edited out of them — precisely how every introvert wants his real life conversations to be.

Posted By: Koji Oe On: May 24, 2008 At: 10:44 am

BAWWWWWWWW

Posted By: Koji Oe On: May 24, 2008 At: 11:01 am

After I have read the entry I will now give a few of my thoughts.

First, we must be twins or something since we do and think the same way. Second, you need to learn to accept yourself. Lastly, just because you’re one way doesn’t mean you need to be another way. Are you still in high school? I like came to terms with that shit during high school.

I’ve learned to accept how I am and I’ve promised myself to never give up on myself because of the way I am. Since it just seems to me that a lot of nerdy/ hobby enthusiast people are fat and useless.

I refuse to become this way. I’ve decided to let my outward appearance do the speaking for me by reading, exercising and dress.

Posted By: Kurogane On: May 28, 2008 At: 11:58 pm

I am an introvert too, and I realized that quite a while back myself. I even read a few good articles extolling the virtues of being an introvert, but most importantly, they all advocate one thing, being an introvert is not a bad thing.

Once I accepted the fact, I became much more comfortable with myself and accepted that being quiet in a crowd fits me way more than pushing myself to be part of the noise. Funnily though, by accepting the fact that I am not one for crowds, I actually managed to be more better at blending in than sticking out like a sore thumb.

So, it’s not really that bad to be an introvert. Most of the smart people in the world are generally one. The most important thing is to be able to accept it yourself, and not hate yourself for being one, as it would only lead to pain if you continue to reject what you are. I’ve been through that phase, and trust me, the mood swings are horrible.

If you’d like a chat about it too, I’m available at the channel as well :). The Internet is wonderful, wonderful thing for introverts *wink*.

Posted By: elle On: August 07, 2008 At: 5:45 am

The bloody 3d world is fake. It doesn’t matter what you are inside, it only matters what you “act like”. Its the godamnawful truth, and the sooner u accept it the better.

Yes, this is so true. Because no one can read your mind and no one has walked a mile in your shoes, all they know is the exterior. That’s all they can go on. So, in short, think of life as one big SIMS game, that’s all it is. I know it’s difficult for introverts to do. I struggle with this daily. We have too much integrity for our own good. We don’t want to play the game. But a game it is. Dealing with extros is actually easy from this perspective. You can throw out any old BS clap trap as conversation and they’re fine with it. You’ll be liked and accepted as long as you talk. About anything.

I’m sure you know extros who are complete flipping idiots, no exagerration. But somehow everyone loves them and they’re popular and invited to everything. You sit back and wonder amazed, WTF? How does this oaf get invited into “polite” company? They feed the extroverts. That’s how. That’s what you learn to do and they don’t ride you as much for being quiet and sullen. Just be glad you can go home and shut the world out.

Posted By: no name On: February 20, 2009 At: 12:07 pm

OMG im exactly like you, I hate myself for being quiet and I hate when people call me quiet its like so what!!! Anyways I just felt that everyone around me an extrovert and its just nice to know that there is somone out there like me:)

Posted By: Heroesrock09 On: June 10, 2009 At: 10:45 am

This is going to be more along the lines of a rant; and reading that blog entry got me thinking and relating like crazy; so I suspect this may be long, short, and hopefully entertaining.

Buddy, you need to look back at a thing called Causality, something I am trying to get to grips with.
Example, What made you who you are right now, and when? Things in your past, upbringing, young experiences, how you acted when you were younger. For me, it’s what turned me to escapism, and why I’m overshot on it right now. Why am I doing this?
School. At school, it’s a conflict of interests with others. If you find people with the right views and interests as you; Your best friends.
Why am I not in with the major extroverts? I’m just not into the same crap as them, and to be honest, I don’t NEED to be. Sure, having the friends is cool, but I find myself asking myself now, “Do I want to be friends with these people? Heck NO!!!”
I can hold my own in sports, fights.
I love expressing myself, just get me set off on the right thing and I make people laugh hard, it feels great. Develop your hobbies, and your interests, it’s a huge part of what makes you YOU and what you chosen to be. Or did you??
It’s what I am exploring now.
Right now, my main problem is “angst”. Godamned, hardcore, dark feelings of getting to grips with responsibility, changes, events, darker things and feelings, so much STUFF that has me thinking and zoned out from anything else in the world, I don’t care what, I dont wanna be there, I’m not there, I can’t let myself. Escapism. I need it. I need to go somewhere where I can vent all my feelings properly, where all the stress and ANGST is disappeared for a while. Temporary, but heaven while your doing it.
Girls? I’ve found myself to be quite a charmer; when I feel and need to be. Just like you, and everyone else, I’m assuming.
Truth be told, as a kid, I was never in full contact with the world around me, I had my own views, and was lost in my imagination. Hurt by my parents splitting, Its f*cked over my relationships with friends and partners. It should have taught me that it doesn’t last forever. But its meant to last forever, right?
I know I’m not the only one, but Ive seen it happen. I dont wanna get hurt. Is this why my relationships are limited? I choose who I have to be with for this. I’m scarred on the inside. I’m muscular and fit on the frame, but beneath it is a messed up guy. And it’s all angst, causality triggered by hormones thrown right all back at you in a painful torment. This is me right now.
So I have to let it out, have to free my feelings, my thoughts, I have to show the world ME properly. In the real world, I am pretty good at conversations, but I have some really introverted qualities. There are people more introverted than I. Back to my point;
THE INTERNET. It allows me to meet up with people with the same interests as me. It allows me to have fun, to express myself that feels locked and chained up, it sets my real personality free. Or who I want to be. But could I be what I want to be if it was not really me? Of course not! SO there you go.
Hopefully I’m making a TGWTG review style show, real soon ^_^ But at the moment it’s Voice acting.
Right now I feel happy. Theres tomorrow. Where I may feel I’ve improved, I may feel I’ve wasted. But hopefully I’ll learn something, more about myself.
Happiness is best when shared. You just gotta find the certain friends and people to share it all with.
I think I’m in the middle of the Introvert – Extrovert spectrum, at the moment leaning toward the intro, switch back to extro.
When walking by myself, I retreat back into the shell of real clouded thought. Figuring out what clears it. I know what, but coming to grips with it is hard.
It wont get solved, because it’s too late, or impossible.
With time, maybe, or with willpower, I can forget things and move on.
Can we move on? I dont know. But old meories are coming to haunt me agin these last few years. I’m not the only one, but heck, reaching out is hard when your the only one in the school who feels the way I do.
Is hard.
It’s all angst, and if it can get resolved it should go away.

And you learn…
Nothing.
Celebrate, good times COME ON!
Just be optimistic and do something about something Whatever something is! Its not one big problem, usually smaller ones you can tackle, and its all realistic, whether with other people, otther things, or yourself.
As long as you try and give the effort, it’ll all work out.
I think. Cool Motto, anyway.
Thats as a big release for me, I know it is unedited, unstructured and badly thought out, but it’s REALLY late and it hurts to stay up.
As long as you can improve yourself to fit how you can get others to react in good ways to you, you dont need fixing.
Everyone has things they can improve on.
I’m analysing as it goes through my head, here.
Introversion is something you invented. Put it this way, your thoughtful, deep and affected. Learn whats bugging you. THE WORLD!!! you may say, but sociability and getting past your shyness is a test in life.
Extroverts have a lot of problems. Big time. Secretly, everybody (people like me I guess, or normal people. I dont know! There not even liked by their own extro what) hates them. There nasty. There sad. It’s not envy, more…pity and…just hate…because of their personality. They have their good qualitties, but a side all too dominant and selfish.
Extroverts take it in the ass. Seriously, They are attention seeking dumbasses who are really insecure tooo, more so, with the mobile cell thing.
Introverts can be selfish, but not for gain, for protection.
Going off on one here,
I will finally end by saying Introversion is not all too bad, just has its ups and downs you have to make sure you arent boring by other introverts standards, nam saying? Not all problems, the two can get along, but its good to be a mix.
Like I think i am. Sorry if this was a bit pointless…But I had fun writing it, so have fun, hope stuff is better, and you arent as down on it as you think.
Go out, contact your friends more.

Posted By: Manman On: February 09, 2010 At: 1:12 am

I would just like to recommend a book I found just yesterday called “Solitude” by Anthony Storr. I think it’s a must read for every introvert struggling with his or her nature. I’m not much for words, but here’s a spoiler; many, perhaps most, of histories greatest minds were and are introverted by nature.

BTW, it was the only copy left, sitting there contentedly by itself. Needles to say (but I’ll say it anyway), the book spoke to me. 🙂

Posted By: bluemist anime blog » Alone On: April 01, 2010 At: 1:41 am

[…] my inherent weakness in dealing with people, I am unable to control the world around me. I would always think a lot. Worry a lot. Trouble […]

Posted By: Mohit On: January 25, 2011 At: 12:19 am

Woah! It’s friegtening and very releiving of how similar my situation is to your’s.
It’s like I wrote that haha! Consciously, I value my introversion greatly, but because of the society I was raised in, I’ve developed this complex where I subconsciously push my self to be more ‘social’ with ‘friends’. Hence I try to spark up conversations that only those like myself can sustain, then follows the awkwardness. I don’t really enjoy being with most of my friends but I still hang out with them due to this complex – ‘Introversion isn’t normal. What will you do in the future? You’ll be lonely when others have families and many friends, things that you don’t really care for. You need to change, and care, introversion is weird etc’. It starts out with it being society’s fault for imposing such a stupid mindset upon it’s elements of ‘being social’ but in the end you’re the one to blame for not accepting what you prefer.

Personally I’m trying to come to terms with who I am.
-I like the concept of relationships, I just don’t enjoy senseless chatter. If you want to talk to me, let your words have weight.
-I don’t feel any great attachments towards anyone with whom I don’t have relationships with. If all the friends and family I had were to die right now, I simply wouldn’t care. (this brings about self-hatred for me)

I prefer reading manga and listening to music than socializing which has made me realize that I’m not just an Introvert, I’m an escapist- I had reality of today’s closed, dull and shallow human society. I love One Piece like a junkie loves heroin, Why? Because it emphasis on freedom that form of escapist romanticism.

I’ve realized that for someone of my type, a thing such as a fulfilling romantic relationship is one where I spend my time with someone of the opposite sex who’s just like me, where we’re just in each others presence.
The best thing to do is either to find someone of the opposite sex and spend your life with them, OR decide to ‘escape’ from modern society. After a lot of contemplation through meditation, staring into space and Ganja, I find my self at the fork in my life where I must choose…

Posted By: Mohit On: January 25, 2011 At: 12:25 am

Ah Typos above-
Woah! It’s frightening and very relieving of how similar my situation is to yours.
It’s like I wrote that article, haha! Consciously, I value my introversion greatly, but because of the society I was raised in, I’ve developed this complex where I subconsciously push my self to be more ‘social’ with ‘friends’. Hence I try to spark up conversations that only those like myself can sustain, then follows the awkwardness. I don’t really enjoy being with most of my friends but I still hang out with them due to this complex – ‘Introversion isn’t normal. What will you do in the future? You’ll be lonely when others have families and many friends, things that you don’t really care for. You need to change, and care, introversion is weird etc’. It starts out with it being society’s fault for imposing such a stupid mindset upon it’s elements of ‘being social’ but in the end you’re the one to blame for not accepting what you prefer.

Personally I’m trying to come to terms with who I am.
-I like the concept of relationships, I just don’t enjoy senseless chatter. If you want to talk to me, let your words have weight.
-I don’t feel any great attachment towards anyone with whom I have relationships with. If all the friends and family I had were to die right now, I simply wouldn’t care. (this brings about self-hatred for me)

I prefer reading manga and listening to music than socializing which has made me realize that I’m not just an Introvert, I’m an escapist- I hate the reality of today’s closed, dull and shallow human society. I love One Piece like a junkie loves heroin, Why? Because it emphasis on freedom, that form of escapist romanticism.

I’ve realized that for someone of my type, a thing such as a fulfilling romantic relationship is one where I spend my time with someone of the opposite sex who’s just like me, where we’re just in each others presence and functioning as one being.
The best thing to do is either to find someone of the opposite sex and spend your life with them, OR decide to ‘escape’ from modern society. After a lot of contemplation through meditation, staring into space and Ganja, I find my self at the fork in my life where I must choose…

Posted By: Joe On: June 13, 2011 At: 2:03 am

I know this post is a few years old, just wanted to chime in and say that I… well, I don’t know if I “enjoyed” reading it, but I certainly identified with it.

Nothing much to add that wouldn’t echo everyone else’s comments. Hope that you’re still finding ways to deal with your introversion in this extremely extrovert-friendly world that we’re all stuck in.

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