Sorry, this is not so much about Shugo Chara, as I have been backlogging that series since the first few episodes of Doki disappointed me. Well okay, let’s just say I can relate with Amu-chan in some things, especially the fact that she has some sort of multiple personality issues. When I left the story in the first season, she was conflicted with that fact that she has multiple “would-be selves” represented by 4 or 5 of the Shugo Charas. In due time, I’m about the enter the same phase.
You see, I’m retiring from the job that I had for a few years now, so I am basically leaving myself open for any opportunity. Problem is deciding ‘which’ opportunity to take. This is not an easy decision to make. I have been too accustomed to my often-redundant everydays. Sometimes I feel scared because this will be a drastic change. There will be a lot of questions in my mind, a lot of proposed solutions and a lot of what-if’s as well.
One thing I worry about is the economic recession. This will be the only time that I can feel it hitting straight in my face. It’s not that I’m going bankrupt. Of course I still have the financial backing of my family. But the more I don’t want to rely on them. My parents had their turn to sacrifice for me, and so I have to give something in return. I do not want to disappoint them.
One of my options is going Japanese. I already have a JLPT4 certification, and if I would take that seriously for a couple of years I think I can have the full command of the language right? That sounds like cake but this is definitely not a walk in the park. Even if I pass any Japanese language test it still won’t give me either bragging rights or a good career at anything. I might even tend to say to myself that this Japanese thing is only meant for my otaku tendencies. That won’t take me anywhere in this world.
On the other hand, I am starting with something that I genuinely like. I LOVE JAPAN PERIOD. Well, not as weeaboo-ish as that, but I know enough of the realities that I may want to work and live there. My ambitions are low. Have a decent job there, rent a simple apartment, live a slice of that life. I had previewed it already when I went to Japan for a year. I think I can handle it.
There are other options in my mind, but I need not elaborate on them. Basically, all I can say is that I’m still conflicted. I’m here thinking about my personality, my triumphs, my mistakes, my problems, my experiences, my goals. This is indeed a new circle. I’m trying to gather all my thoughts, some up with some sort of conclusion to this. One simple decision can change my life forever, and I have to be ready to accept it, and someday never look back and regret it.
All this for a simple job change? Heh, you see that I am a deep thinker. Or maybe I take things too seriously. Well, nothing wrong with taking it seriously except a few sleepless nights. I find myself watching an anime or two during those times, and they prove effective medicine to take my mind away from it for a while.
Sometimes I’m too shallow to derive a life lesson from a mere anime, but in this case, Amu-chan is right. It doesn’t matter how many “would-be selves” I may have. It doesn’t matter if I don’t know what I want to be right now. But as long as I keep my heart shining, hopefully and eventually, I can find the true me.