Ronery

By bluemist on April 11th, 2008

Being alone in life does have some benefits. No one would annoy you and avoid you from getting your work done and done well. No one would be needing your attention at many time periods of the day. No one will nag at you. No one will seemingly be a liability for you. No one will spend your own hard-earned money. No one will call you every night, removing your chance of a good night’s sleep. No one will be your rival in case there would be a third party in your relationship.

Of course, being alone in life does have some regrets. No one will be loved by you. No one will love you. No one will cheer for you and be your inspiration at work. No one will attend to you at many time periods of the day. No one will nag at you, and yet you would have liked being nagged. No one will be a liability for you, and yet you would have wanted someone to share all your blessings in life. No one will spend your own hard-earned money, and make you feel needed and depended on. No one will call you every night, lifting you up from all the stress during the day. No one will have confided your entire life on, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do you part, and all that yadda-yadda.

Being alone in life is fun, in a way that you can fool around without anyone caring. But if you are not that kind of person, being alone in life gets kinda sad. On the other hand, tying the knot to a person does have some regrets, especially when you are the type of person who fools around.

What am I trying to say here? Am I defending my cause of being single? I always used to think: the horror of being single is but one day of an entire year. Valentines Day, nothing else. During that season, I see many couples… as if the expression of love comes only once every year.

As I have fallen in and out of love years ago, would I want to return to that kind of life again? If it was a dream, indeed now I have woken up from that dream, and moved on. So, would I want to return to the dream? Hardly… I found out that I have no one to love. As if I had been cursed not to fall in love again. Why? Was I so wrong in the dream? That I do not deserve another dream? Or even a reality just for once?

This topic will only yearn to ask more questions than answers. Is it true that life is less fruitful without someone to nag? Without someone to lay down your finances and insurance plans for? Without someone to carry on your family name? Is it really a shame to have no one to share your blessings to, or your business perhaps? Is life really a waste of time just because no one happens to be your soulmate in this world? How does love bloom? Do people still believe in love at first sight? Is there such a thing as ‘looking for love’ just like what I’m trying to convey a while back? Why is this thing called love so complicated, that it renders both pain and pleasure? Why are there more variations in love than stars in the sky? Why do billions of lives even feel it?

I will end the questions here.

This must be my most disoriented post so far, for a simple reason… I’m so frustrated. Somehow I realized that I have not found someone to love again. I typed that phrase as if I’m ‘shopping for love’, but I didn’t mean it that way. For the simple reason of inspiration. As of now, I’m on the verge of making my own money-laundering activities… without a special ‘someone’ to give it to. Of course giving it to family is a given, but thinking about it deeper, I don’t really need too much money. Sure I would want some gadgets, buy stuff or whatnot, but in the end, all these luxuries are worth nothing in the end. Sure, I’ll count all price tags, but giving the gifts from God to someone special… priceless. The things money can’t buy… happiness and love. If there is no love, there is no happiness. Sure there are some other kinds of love in my system, but not having that special love… I would feel incomplete happiness.

Now I would tend to believe that the horror of being single is not just for one day each year. The horror of being single will last a lifetime on a person who is longing for a love that doesn’t exist. Sure, there are other ways of living life without love. I just happen to be very unlucky, because I now feel like I need love to survive in life. Really unlucky.

17 Comments

Posted By: Hinano On: April 11, 2008 At: 12:03 pm

Hang in there!
Everyone’s time will come eventually :3

Posted By: Ryan A On: April 11, 2008 At: 12:04 pm

I can sympathize here. Wondering these same things, I usually doubt my environment. At school, I ride my bicycle, so I see a lot of people, but out of all those days, I’ve only turned around once, and with good reason. (Unfortunately, I was shut down by this tigress. ~.~)

Lately, I ride with vigor and have not felt the need to turn around. Even thinking, “I should go meet that person” only happens for a second and I am back to riding hard.

It is cyclical and evading, like trying to turn the ice, by turning the glass of water; evasive. If you feel it is time, don’t let the chances evade you! I fear luck can only get you part of the way, at some point, you must step in the moment.

Choose your moments wisely ^^ Even this ronery feeling is not alone.

Posted By: meganeshounen On: April 11, 2008 At: 1:14 pm

Thought-provoking.

Going solo for the moment does seem nice… for now. Until that realization of having nobody to spend your time with creeps up your back like a slow-but-sure-moving moss on a rock. I guess love just comes differently to people. To some, it’s like BAM, you’re hit with Cupid’s arrows, and you have someone you can give to and get affection from. Then again, there are some of us that either actively run away from the feeling (due to fear of being hurt/hurting others) or just plain passive about “that whole love thing”.

And about that part on “the horror of being single once a year”… I think for single people, they experience that “horror” every single day of their lives. It’s just that the environment (read: possibly the media) keeps showing to your face all the other couples that you don’t normally see everyday…

I don’t know if this one’s relevant, but I just want to ask this: “What do you do… to fill the gap left by a passion so great, that disappeared so fast?” ^_^;

Posted By: bluemist On: April 11, 2008 At: 2:49 pm

Minna, arigatou!
(okay that sounded like Densha Otoko, lol).

I know that love just can’t be served to me like free food in a silver platter, but the realization of that same fact is loneliness in itself. Someday I hope to get this out of my system, but for now…

“What do you do… to fill the gap left by a passion so great, that disappeared so fast?”
Umm… eroge?

…but seriously, you divert yourself to other interests.

Posted By: Koll On: April 11, 2008 At: 3:44 pm

From one single guy to another, and I will speak bluntly …

What did I do for Valentine’s Day? I worked until 9 PM for a project crunch. The guy who I was working with stayed at the company way past me, but at least had a wife who understood that things at work had to get done. Another married coworker told me that his wife got pissed the last time he got Valentine flowers for her because it was a waste of money. My boss’s wife was working in another country (and still is). And most of the single guys in my company who aren’t dating didn’t even know it was Valentine’s Day.

Bottom line: Valentine’s Day is overrated.

As for being single, “lonery” stems from the feeling of being unloved. Can you say that for a fact that you know your family don’t love you? How about friends? I can understand if you don’t have family around, but if you don’t have friends, then I highly recommend you get close up shop here and get yourself out there to meet people. Easier said than done, but there are always avenues to explore. You can visit eroges anytime you want. Just not in front of your new gf though, I’m pretty sure that won’t go well.

I can write a book on this, but I’ll leave the last thing as this: I see loneliness in couples as well. Getting hitched doesn’t necessarily mean that feeling will go away. You’ll need to confront that feeling first or else it could actually hamper your future relationships, friends and whatnot. So take your time and spend it finding the right girl, while you sort your emotions out. Otherwise, you could end up doing the wrong thing out of desperation.

Posted By: Ronin On: April 11, 2008 At: 7:21 pm

Ah, I share your sentiments. Being lonely does have its perks, but these are often on a short-term run.

I often have this lingering notion that that “someone for you” is but a man’s wish fulfillment fantasy. It takes a little bit of effort to do just that, but for everything else, well… have guts!

Hang in there!

Posted By: TheBigN On: April 11, 2008 At: 11:03 pm

Then again, there are some of us that either actively run away from the feeling (due to fear of being hurt/hurting others) or just plain passive about “that whole love thing”.

I’m in the latter category. I’ve never really been in love before, and I’m not pining for it, but I know the issue will come up eventually. For the moment though, there’s more important stuff on my mind at the moment. :3

But don’t let those feelings of loneliness drag you down to much. Keep optimistic.

Posted By: Koji Oe On: April 12, 2008 At: 12:54 pm

Love between man and a woman is overrated. There are many kinds of love out there.

The problem is everyone thinks there is someone special out there just for them or they’re destined to get married or something. I don’t think we’re all meant to get married or have these kinds of relationships.

If this were true, then there wouldn’t be as many messed up relationships, divorces and what not.

That is just my 2 cents and it really does get me angry when people are like, “Whaaa whaaa I’m ronery. No one loves me.” Get a grip and do what you can right now. Not saying that is what you are doing here.

Posted By: Ronery - A rebuttal to bluemist’s case « クロス† チャネル On: April 12, 2008 At: 2:15 pm

[…] to bluemist’s case 12 04 2008 I read bluemist’s interesting article on being ronery recently. He gives more questions than perhaps his own answers. Despite this, I have some rather […]

Posted By: bluemist On: April 12, 2008 At: 3:15 pm

You guys speak truth, in that ronery-ness does not end when you attain this kind of love. I see it as different phases/walls/challenges in life that one has to endure. So supposing I break this wall and find that special someone, it doesn’t end there, because whole new sets of walls are in your way yet again, like responsibilities, money matters, social standing etc. This cycle goes on, and that’s what life is about.

I think what’s important is that as you attempt to face each life challenge, is that you are happy in other aspects of life despite the loneliness in this aspect (romantic love).

Posted By: So ronery, but I has an answer! « orz - SWISS CHEESE PORN On: April 13, 2008 At: 1:35 am

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Posted By: haderach On: April 13, 2008 At: 3:16 am

Valentine’s day is nothing compared to new year’s eve… each year, that day is a nightmare for me.
One thing that always annoys me is that even the stupid and not good looking men have a women in their life. But us “otaku” who are soo nice and smart are always alone.
Screw life, and if there is a god, “he” must be really…

Posted By: Impz On: April 13, 2008 At: 5:12 pm

It’s 1/3 luck, 1/3 social networking and 1/3 chemistry. It’s not like being nice and smart will garner you a girl on the spot if you do not bother to socialize and meet a girl just for you.

Being ronery is perhaps something that everyone experiences. However, different people have different tolerances. Some cope with it better and have other things to fill in that void. With that, they find happiness, maybe a greater happiness.

Find something you like to do, spend your time enriching yourself, socialize, enjoy and who knows what will happen next.

Posted By: usagijen On: April 14, 2008 At: 12:51 am

I have long surrendered myself to the thought of being forever single, with the mindset “if it’s meant to be that I’ll eventually meet that future partner of mine, then it will happen. In the meantime, I’m just going to live my life to the fullest and continue to cherish each day, being happily single~” :3

Posted By: Divorce Lawyers in PA On: October 21, 2009 At: 2:38 am

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Posted By: bluemist anime blog » Alone On: January 21, 2013 At: 10:37 pm

[…] not changing. This seems comfortable. But in the end, I worry about myself. This is not about love anymore, this is about life. How, despite my desire for change, can’t just start anything […]

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