There is something I’d like you to know. I am bluemist’s ex-boyfriend… at least, I’d like to think so.
Wait… before you confuse yourself, bluemist is not gay. bluemist was actually a girl. She was the original. I’m terribly sorry for hiding this all along, although I’d expect the current readers of this blog wouldn’t have caught her from years ago. She did this anime blog for two years (May 2005-Aug 2007) This site was actually a team blog for a bit. We were sharing this space. She was the “tsundere meganekko”.
I’m actually running this site for a while now, beginning August 2007. My involvement actually started from this post. This was my love confession to her, I opened up her account without her permission and posted it. I screwed up her theme to red that time. Terribly unethical of me to actually figure out her password, and that I just came to find out that she had this anime blog all along. We knew each other for some months now back then, but never would I have realized that she had almost the same fandom as me. She had a total inkling on shoujo manga and anime, and some bishoujo stuff oddly (mostly To Heart and Da Capo only). I’m mostly into shoujo too, and that’s where I found some common ground with her. We would geek our way through Akihabara almost every weekend. Those were the best times I had with her.
This was me too, and it’s pretty much accurate. She did reject me that time. What came next though was still a blur on my mind. Her “no” answer was real, but I was not sure if she was starting to warm up to me afterwards. She actually had the mix of close-not-so-close with me. We chatted more over the internet than before I confessed. She was… normal about it, as if nothing ever happened. Actually, I felt closer to her that way. That’s when we frequented Akiba more, like dating (as I would believe it). She would tell her life stories, she never did those before. The one thing that really made me feel like we were a couple was this blog itself. This was my post, as well as this and this one. She allowed me to post in her blog despite it being the actual point of my confession and rejection.
The bad part though was whenever we were with common friends, she was totally distant. This was really hard for me. Remember that this was in Japan, when she worked for a year and a half (many posts said it was just one year, she actually stayed longer in order to test for the JLPT there), so “common friends” are fellow Filipinos, my only social group there. It felt really awkward to not being able to talk to her in person, even with how close we are when online. It is as if she were two persons. She was definitely putting up a face. This lasted for 3 months, until finally I confronted her. I guess I’m at fault here. The same way I confessed over the internet (blog), I confronted her over online chat. Such a loser I was. This time, she was distant, both online and offline.
The last time I talked with her was one fated train ride, where I reiterated my feelings. This was my true confession, but where I actually had no answer from her, except a nod, which means an implied “no”. In any case, I was leaving Japan anyway, I told her that. Pretty stupid of me.
I came back to the Philippines in July 2007, and she was in Japan. Being the bitter stalker that I am, I continued to read this blog of hers. Then came an odd blog post project-japan-end-2007. She pretended that she already came back from Japan. I’m not sure why she did this, but definitely it had something to do with me. Also, this review of 5cm was quite suspect. Read the comments, she actually made a plot error where she assumed it was Akari whom Takaki was texting and was his girlfriend that time. The post was since re-edited to have the correct plot, but the error seems to be a way of telling me something. I would be Takaki in that, thinking that I was chatting with her, but the reality is different.
In hindsight, I’m probably overthinking that too much. That overthinking finally led to me posting another one, pretending to be bluemist. She had changed the password, but I guessed it right again. Yes, this is the Dear Kagami post, and why I always refer to that in many of my personal posts. Because this is my first official post in this blog. A blog post of my rejection of her rejection. I was seriously screwed up this time. Knowing that I guessed the password right and invaded her privacy again, I guess she completely abandoned the blog (even the email connected to this) and never posted again. This was August 28, 2007.
Sometimes I feel that she did this one comment in the blog post, but I digress. As cryptic as when she lied about arriving home earlier, and with her usual secretive words (I won’t explain any further, just know that the posts within May 2005-Aug 2007 have more hidden messages than even I can imagine. Sometimes she did elaborate word puzzles), I would never know anymore.
If you noticed afterwards of 2007 that this blog had less update frequency, this is the reason. I took over writing for this blog afterwards. (even tried cryptic on Fake Revival in my second post). She was a great writer, and she created this level of quality, only for me to copy and imitate. Her intonations, her plays on words were hers. She would churn out many anime reviews that had a very complete structure:
– Introduction based on her personal taste
– Anime summary and characters
– Actual critique
– Technical critique (animation, music, etc)
– Conclusion and Recommendation
Lately I’m not sure why I’m still doing this, continuing her work. This blog is already almost 7 years old. While only two (2 years 4 months actually) came from her, I checked the stats and it seems that my number of posts would have exceeded her number of posts. She did it in 2, I did it in 5. Also, she just got married last month, hence this post of revelation. I’m not sure if this post is any useful, but this would be surely to remember her. The original bluemist. The one I loved.
Agh. So bitter.
If you came (or skipped) this far, of course you would have guessed this was an April Fools post. I would like you to know though that some of this was inspired by true events. Yes, so bitter.