Knowing about the true story of Sakura in anime form was unprecedented for me. Even if I had already skimmed the surface, I guess the tale can still be told effectively in another way. The most important part of the experience though, is that I can relate somewhat to the character. Yes, Yoshino Sakura’s trials, tribulations and tragedies reflect my own set of current real-life problems. As a result, my heart breaks yet again for this fictional character, and in part, this fictional character gave me a source of reference, reflection and inspiration of myself.
There are some times when you just can’t carry on that burden on your shoulder, and just want to wish it all away or rely on luck of the draw. Sakura heavily depended on the magic to make things tick for her. From Da Capo to Da Capo II, she used it to try to give meaning to her life, in search for her happiness. Likewise, I am guilty of almost the same fake magic. I am sometimes as sneaky as Yagami Light, acting all-innocent and brainy when in truth I don’t even mean what I say. I always regard myself as “the greatest user of all time”. I “use” people to my advantage, not giving away my true strengths and weaknesses. I would try to justify myself by stating that everyone else is the same white-lying back-stabbing double-crossing person that I am, but with saying that I admit to be part of that same corrupt system that currently demolishes the decency in society. You throw stones at me, I throw stones too.
With this cheating comes regret. Someday the past will come back to haunt you. Sakura relied on the magic to create a family which shouldn’t have existed, and now that same magic will claim it back. Back in my real world, it would be called “karma”. Somehow the universe conspires to make you regret some things you know you did wrong in the past. Sometimes when you throw a stone, they throw a bigger stone at you. Even if your intentions are pure and honest, the journey towards your goal may be rough. Does ends justify means? It depends on many different factors, but one thing holds true for me. The more I know I had cheated through problems, the more I had regretted cheating through it when the time comes.
So the karma came for Sakura when she lost all control of the situation and left it with the tragic loss of herself, Junichi, and Yoshiyuki. Now she’s crying the same way as I am, apologizing not only to everyone, but also to myself. Broadcasting my grievances through this blog was one part of my loss of self-control. I needed to know what you readers think, whether I’m looking at my problems in the best perspective or not. I highly appreciate the comments of those two extremely personal articles (lovelessness and introversion), but I may only be making things worse by trying to find common ground. It’s hard to change when a lot of people agree with your weaknesses. “I am weak and so can you”. Thank you for those not agreeing with me on a lot of things during those moments, because it makes for further thinking and re-thinking. With this, I can now formulate the conclusion to Sakura’s dilemma and mine.
The one aspect I hold dear about myself is that, despite all my bad traits, I am still the same thought-provoking person that I myself admired. As I said many times, I am my own reader. Yes, I read my own blogging work. With reading my own thoughts, I am inching closer to the “real me” that I wanted to find. Someone who doesn’t wear a Yagami Light mask. Someone who is true. The blog articles have this kind of positive side to it. After all, what good comes out of hiding your problems in life? This is why I have a blog. This is why Sakura decides to tell Yoshiyuki and Otome everything. Almost everything, because I feel she still hides something, but at least it’s a start. From here, it starts to brighten up for her and me.
Even if sometimes I get a bit lonely and quiet, at least there are some things I am proud about, and those are some things that are real and cannot be faked. As I thrive to seek true means and efforts to reach my absolute goals in life, I get reminded that behind the scenes, Sakura may not have been that dependent on magic either. We only saw tidbits of her true story over 50 years of existence. Look at her in Da Capo II. A highly-respected school principal. A mother-like figure to everyone. A selfless person who risks her life for the sake of her loved ones, and even complete strangers who are merely victims of the unwithering sakura’s inconsistent magic. Those couldn’t have been faked, and I imagine now years of effort in learning knowledge, building relationships, taking care of everything and everyone. While there are situations beyond our control that leads us to despair, at the very least these are the same moments that we realize that we are strong. Even with all my pretentions and lies, there are personal triumphs littered all over my past memories that I can absolutely be proud about, and it would hopefully redeem for all my mistakes.
The main lesson that I learned throughout these recent experiences of mine is that in the end, life is long, and it goes on. The main thing that keeps me positive is this little thing called “hope”. Sakura noticed that during Yoshiyuki’s revival phase. Sure, in essence, this is still magic, but this is of a different kind, because it doesn’t only encompass Sakura’s own wish. Yoshiyuki is now a wish of many. From Yume to Otome and other DCII characters, they had faith in this magic system (even though they don’t realize it) to make everything fall into place and bring Yoshiyuki back to life. At much the same way, my dreams would not be of my own. My wish is now a wish of many, from my loved ones to everyone else in the world. You are part of that too. I have faith in the world system (even if it is flawed) to make everything fall back into place for me. That faith is hope, and I believe that hope is the strongest kind of faith.
Towards the end, Sakura was granted a new life.
I’m waiting for my own.